Overhearing Rachel’s Conversation with God: A Short Story

R.: I have come to your House, sorry Temple, G-d, hm… Elohim, Adonai, Sir…

G-d: You mean to my “Home”?

R.: Yes, so true, it’s a Home indeed! And it feels so good to be in this Home… It feels “like home” and it feels “at home,” as we say in America. Do you speak English, Sir, Elohim, Adonai…?

G-d: I hear it in Hebrew no matter what language you speak; so go ahead and talk to Me in any language you wish as long as it’s a language of the heart.

R.: That’s great! Because Hebrew, You know, is all upside down—I mean it’s from right to left, not to mention that it’s so guttural it makes my throat sore and I’m afraid I might get sick.

G-d: No need to worry about this, my dear. I am the Great Physician and I shall take care of you. Didn’t you know that in your illness I am the One who makes your bed? I said I will strengthen you in your bed of suffering and even make your bed, didn’t I?

R.: I had no idea! I always thought it was mom…

G-d: In any event, let’s get down to the reason for your call to Me.

R.: Well, the reason I am calling on You today is because I have come before Your Throne, Almighty, hm… Elohim, Sir, to … to … introduce myself to You: my name is …

G-d: I know your name, young girl. I am the One who called you from the womb of your mother by your name to begin with.

R.: Really? You know my name even though I have not told you? What else, if I may ask, do You know about me?

G-d: I know the number of your days…

R.: I suppose You are also an Accountant then, right?

G-d: I know your heart and your mind…

R.: And a psychologist too?!

G-d: I know your beginning and your end…

R.: Let me see, what do we call those people down here? Surveyors I think. Unless of course You mean my beginning and end in Heaven which would be the business of an astronomer or an astrophysicist if I am not mistaken.

G-d: Let us not get caught up in the label game, child, because, how can I explain this to you? I am the one who makes everything in you work. Do you understand?

R.: An engineer?!

G-d: No, no, no. Let’s try it another way: I am “The Name.”

R.: Oh, I see: a Recorder of sorts, the Big Boss at the Registrar’s Office downtown Heaven?

G-d: Wrong again. You don’t really get it, do you?

R.: I didn’t mean to offend You, Elohim, Adonai, Sir. I am sorry…

G-d: I am not offended, dear heart. Just frustrated every time I try to introduce Myself to the newcomers to my Home.

R.: I guess it must be pretty tough to have to list all Your titles, such as they are. No wonder down here we just say “Hi” and get it over with. And, by the way, is one of Your names also “Hi”—or some such I mean? I see it all the time in charms and pendants in Jewish gift shop and catalogs (sometimes even saying “HI Y’ALL”) and, to be honest with You, I would be somewhat disappointed if You had picked such a casual name for Your Self, especially that it isn’t even good English, if You know what I mean.

G-d: Well, you haven’t gotten that one right either. Listen carefully and you will understand: the word you’re talking about isn’t “Hi” but “Chai”, that is Life! He lives! Because, you see, I am Life, the Source of Life, the Living God. I even told Moses My name in a different way. “Ehie Asher Ehie”, meaning I am that which I am, i.e. “the” Being, which is just another way of saying that I am “the Life”. It only took one American among the Israelites to misunderstand Me. And ever since, nobody can get it straight to this day. Oy va voy… The trouble I have had with the Americans! And with My introducing Myself to the world!

R.: Please, don’t get upset, Sir, Elohim, Adonai, I mean Your… “I AMness.” Because what are we going to do if You turn Your face away from us over every little mistake?

G-d: I am slow to anger and you have nothing to fear. Actually, My anger lasts but a moment. Remember the stuff I took from your forefathers in the desert? You don’t have to worry about this one now.

R,: Thank God!

G-d: You’re welcome.

R.: I, I … didn’t address You this time. I …I was just using an expression we have down here.

G-d: I know. It happens all the time. And when I go to the door to see who’s calling Me, they’re already gone. An expression. Just an expression, they think. And what ever happened to My instructions not to take My Name in vain? Disobedient and rebellious people! How long shall I be patient with your disregarding My commandments?

R.: If You don’t mind my saying so, I like it best when You are merciful, Adonai, Sir.

G-d: I am merciful. But My words are both mercy and truth.

R.: This is correct and it’s fair alright. But Mercy is more important than Truth, You said so Yourself, if You don’t mind my reminding You. Because “Mercy is great unto Heavens” and Truth is only “great unto the clouds.” Anyway, I was thinking it might be best for all of us if You were to start out with Mercy and then throw in some Truth.

G-d: Well said, well said. I am growing fond of you by the minute.

R.: To go back to the purpose of my calling on You today, I am Rachel K.W., I mean the Rachel You are already familiar with and You Yourself called from the womb of my mother; and I have come to Your Temple, sorry Home, to pick up Your laws and commandments and bind them on my fingers so that You may be my G-d and I may be one of Your own, like a family Up there or something.

G-d: This is an important event, Rachel K. W., and I am delighted to have you here calling on Me and saying that you want to become a member of My very own. Only make sure you understand that My desire is for you to place My law not just on your lips but also in your inward parts, to write it in your heart, as I have told your forefathers.

R.: I am so glad You said that, Adonai, Sir! Because, You see, I always find it easier to do something when I feel it with my heart than when I am told to do so. Will this “writing in my heart” hurt?

G-d: You’re confusing my methods with tattoo, Rachel K. W. and this is not funny. Here’s the deal, dear, the covenant, My Covenant with you: you let Me shape and fashion your heart and your heart will desire to do My Will on its own: effortlessly. Your heart will in fact delight in doing My Will!

R.: That’s exciting! So exciting! What shall I do? What shall I do?

G-d: Just come to Me, Rachel, as King David used to come whenever he felt like it, whenever he was down as well as whenever he was joyful. Come and trust yourself and your problems to Me. Call Me on the day of your trouble and I will deliver you. Seek Me early in the morning and you shall find Me. Put Me first in your life and glorify Me, and you shall be the first one to know the difference. When in doubt, always be still and know that I am God, your God; and you are My very own! I have plans to bless you and prosper you, Rachel K. W.

R.: Terrific! That doesn’t sound difficult, thank God!—I mean I thank You personally Elohim, Adonai, Sir…,Your “I AMness.” But I am a little confused about this Me-first thing You keep saying.

G-d: Why’s that?

R.: Because we down here, the good ones among us that is, think that it is—how shall I say?—bad manners and like bad upbringing and like overall “bad,” big time “bad,” to talk about ourselves all the time—the “me” generation syndrome, if You know what I mean. And yet with You it seems to be different…

G-d: Do you know why it is different, Rachel?

R.: Because, because, You are… Who You are… and we are only people, I suppose.

G-d: You’re right. I remember I was once talking with Job, another favorite of My own, and he was complaining about something like that and had lots of “why’s” and “how come’s” and “is it fair” questions. So I asked this of him, “Were you there when I laid the foundations of the earth?”—you see my point, dear. But you are way ahead of him already despite your young age. Anything else on your mind, Rachel?

R.: I am not sure I fully understand Your story with grandfather Job; because he had lots of problems, big time problems, You know, and he was sick and tired of it all. But I think I may have one last thing on my mind to ask You. Unless it’s going to annoy You… –my asking questions, that is.

G-d: Go ahead, Rachel. I can always reason with My own.

R.: I was thinking, I was thinking of asking You what about my being just a girl, a female that is—oh, how I hate that word! Because, You see, I want to be tops with You, Your “I AMness,” Elohim, Adonai, Sir—as close to You as man can get. Is this going to be possible with my being a female? I really don’t like the idea of being second class citizen, especially if I am to give You my heart and You write Your commandments on it. That’s pretty big, You realize, that’s getting… involved…

G-d: This modern world is blind and deaf, worse than its forefathers. They have eyes, but they do not see. They have ears, but they do not hear. I have made you in My image, Rachel, and you are beautifully and wonderfully made. Isn’t that good enough for your self-esteem?

R.: Oh, I see… But that’s marvelous! Oh, that’s absolutely awesome! How come I had never thought of it before? Thank You, thank You, thank You so very much for all those gifts of understanding You gave me today. I must tell You something but I don’t want You to think I’m only saying it to please Your “I AMness;” because I am not. I say it with my heart and not just with my lips: it is cool to be one of Your own, Elohim, Adonai, Sir, and to be in Your Home; so very cool… Thank You again!

G-d: You did well to come, Rachel. And how do you say it in English? You are… welcome!

* Youlika K. Masry is a jurist, a PhD in political theory/psychology and a writer/author and translator (from and to several languages) of legal, philosophical, theological books and essays & poetry. As a friend of the J.W. family she wrote this imaginary conversation with God their granddaughter might have had on the occasion of her Bat Mitzvah on April 27, 2002 in La Jolla, California.

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