The Women Will Be Here Soon: A One-Act Play

“I seem to see all the most desperate of men threatening new false denunciations.” – Boethius

A TWO-CAR GARAGE, disconnected from its home. A WINDOWPANE frames a u-haul type TRAILER, a POND, and WOODS, each shrouded in darkness.

Beneath the WINDOWPANE sits A CARDBOARD BOX with the word “Pics” written on it. The CARDBOARD BOX sits among a stack of other boxes, each bearing words denoting its specific contents – “sports,” “high school,” “books,” “baseball cards,” etc. The stack of boxes resides atop an old cabinet set converted into a STORAGE UNIT-WORK BENCH which occupies the back wall of the garage. Also atop the WORK BENCH, a CAGE TRAP for small animals.

A SILHOUETTE noiselessly brushes past the WORK BENCH.

On the left side of the garage and in shadows sits a TRUCK.

NOISES come from the shadows as the SILHOUETTE tinkers with something on the backside of the truck. And on the right side of the garage – a corner filled with PACKING BLANKETS and a METAL TRASH CAN. Plus, an EMPTY PARKING SPOT and a DOOR.

SOMEONE approaches the DOOR from outside the garage. The NOISES in the shadows stop.

MARSHALL (from outside)
Hey. Just grabbin’ somethin’ from the garage. How are you? Okay. Sure. Let me know when you are headed home, I can have dinner ready. Oh, yeah. Love you, too.

The DOOR opens. The SILHOUETTE slips underneath the TRUCK.

MARSHALL enters the darkness and flips a LIGHT SWITCH on the wall, but the LIGHTS do not all brighten, and the garage harbors many shadows.

By the LIGHT of a CELL PHONE, MARSHALL retrieves a STEP LADDER that leans in one corner. He opens the STEP LADDER and establishes its position beneath a light that hangs from exposed RAFTERS. MARSHALL ascends the STEP LADDER and removes a DEFECTIVE LIGHT.

After placing a DEFECTIVE LIGHT in the trash, MARSHALL draws a NEW LIGHT from a drawer in the WORK BENCH, ascends the STEP LADDER, and slips the NEW LIGHT into place.

MARSHALL repeats his efforts. He slips another NEW LIGHT into place. The STEP LADDER slides out from under his feet, and he grabs hold of one of the RAFTERS. The STEP LADDER crashes to the floor, and his CELL PHONE WITH IT.

The STEP LADDER beneath him should he also fall, MARSHALL holds tightly to the rafter beam and moves himself across the RAFTER to the other side of the garage where the TRUCK sits. MARSHALL drops down into the TRUCK BED then hops out onto the floor and moves to the opposite side of the garage to the LIGHT SWITCH.

MARSHALL tests the NEW LIGHTS. Half the space brightens.

Trim, broad-shouldered. MARSHALL wears a t-shirt with the words “Mover Man” printed on the chest. Were you to shake his hands, you’d discover a knowledge of labor.

MARSHALL eyes the other half of the garage, where the TRUCK SITS, and studies the space between the bed of the TRUCK and DEFECTIVE LIGHTS which hang above it.

MARSHALL picks up his CELL PHONE from the floor and spies the SILHOUETTE beneath his truck.

The SILHOUETTE remains motionless as MARSHALL squats into view.

MARSHALL
Coop.

BEAT

MARSHALL
Cooper.

COOPER
Marshall.

MARSHALL
You messin’ with my truck.

COOPER
You offend me, Marshall. Of course not. Of course I’m not messin’ with your truck.

MARSHALL
Then what are you doin?

COOPER
I’m it.

MARSHALL
You’re it.

COOPER
Now it’s your turn. Your turn to hide. Go ahead. I’ll count to twenty.

MARSHALL
I don’t think so.

COOPER
1…2…3…4-

MARSHALL stands up.

COOPER
Nevermind.

MARSHALL watches as COOPER/COOP SHREWBURY crawls out on his back and lies on the floor. MARSHALL offers a hand to help COOPER to his feet, but COOPER waves it off.

COOPER rocks back onto his shoulders while pulling his knees to his chest. He kicks his feet, flings himself momentarily into the air. His feet touch the floor, and COOPER catches himself in a squat position.

COOPER stands, shorter than MARSHALL and narrower.

MARSHALL
Still got it.

COOPER grins and rests on his heels, his shoulders thrown back and chest out, as if his skin was made of armor, as if nothing said or done could hurt him, and he rolls back his shirt-sleeves.

COOPER
Let’s see you do that.

MARSHALL
What’s with your arms?

COOPER holds out his arms.

COOPER
Worked up a sweat. What? This? This here is Ichthyosis.

MARSHALL
Say again.

COOPER
I-C-H-T-H-Y-O-S-I-S. Ichthyosis.

MARSHALL
What’s that?

COOPER
Fish skin.

MARSHALL
Fish skin-

COOPER
-Fish skin. Dry skin. Real, ugly dry skin. Or, Alligator skin.

MARSHALL
Does it hurt?

COOPER
Not as bad as it looks.

MARSHALL
It does look bad.

COOPER
Don’t go hurtin’ my feelings.

MARSHALL
I can’t say it looks good.

COOPER
Well, it’s my arms and not my face. And arms don’t make the man.

MARSHALL
How’d it happen?

COOPER
It’s dry skin.

MARSHALL
I’ve had dry skin and never had that.

COOPER
Right, well. Genetic mutation. According to the internet, it comes from a genetic mutation.

MARSHALL
You gone to a doctor?

COOPER
Not yet, no. Thought Nicole could check it out for me.

MARSHALL
Underneath my truck?

COOPER
But I’m taken’ care of it.

MARSHALL
How?

COOPER
Just a cream.

MARSHALL
Won’t find that under my truck.

COOPER
‘Course not. Over the counter.

MARSHALL
Then what are you doin?

COOPER
I told you, “I’m it.”

MARSHALL
What are you doin’ here?

COOPER
What does it look like?

MARSHALL
Looks illegal.

COOPER
Looks like and what it is don’t always match up.

MARSHALL
Then what is it?

COOPER
You don’t wanna play hide-&-seek.

MARSHALL
I wanna know why you’re here, and why you’re lyin’ underneath my truck in the garage in the dark.

COOPER puts one hand on the truck and raises his other hand.

COOPER
I do swear to tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth – about your truck. It’s a nice truck. I might want to buy your truck.

MARSHALL
That usually involves talkin’ to the owner.

COOPER
We’re talkin’ now.

MARSHALL
Because I asked you.

COOPER
Just like at a dealership.

MARSHALL
We are at my home.

COOPER
Splittin’ hairs, Marshall.

MARSHALL
Why are you here, Coop?

COOPER
What will you take for it?

MARSHALL
You did not sneak onto my property to give my truck a secret potential-buyer’s inspection.

COOPER
I wasn’t sneakin’, Marshall.

MARSHALL
Callin’ it somethin’ else won’t change it.

COOPER
I was goofin’ around.

MARSHALL
Why?

COOPER
Why does anyone goof around?

MARSHALL
Why were you goofin’ around?

COOPER
Didn’t want to bother you.

MARSHALL
Didn’t want to bother me about my truck.

COOPER
Until I knew if I wanted make an offer for it. You know. Otherwise I’d just get your hopes up. Bother you.

MARSHALL
It bothers me-

COOPER
-Not my intention-

MARSHALL
-It also bothers me that you said nothin’ the whole time I’m in here fixin’ these lights.

COOPER
That was just part of the goof, honey. Business and pleasure. Like when we played football.

MARSHALL
So you weren’t just gonna let me go about my business and not say somethin’.

COOPER
And that wouldn’t have made you jump? Some voice speaks to you from the dark, and you just say, what, “Here am I, Lord”?

MARSHALL
You do not sound like God.

COOPER
You’ve heard the voice of God, Marshall?

MARSHALL
It’s my fault you stayed quiet.

COOPER
Just considerin’ your feelings.

MARSHALL
But not considerin’ ’em enough to not sneak into my garage.

COOPER
Okay. Okay. Okay, Marshall, honey. It was simply a goof. A misguided, ill-timed goof.

MARSHALL
You’re a rascal, Coop.

COOPER
That’s what Nikki called me the last time I saw her.

MARSHALL
Nicole-

COOPER
-Nicole.

MARSHALL
Be glad she didn’t find you.

COOPER
Maybe I was wantin’ to see her. She’d of hit the roof.

MARSHALL
She’d of hit you.

COOPER
Would’ve been worth it.

MARSHALL
She’d like to of shot you.

COOPER
Not after seein’ my arms. She never did like to see anything suffer.

MARSHALL
You said it didn’t hurt as bad as it looks?

COOPER
That don’t mean it don’t hurt none.

MARSHALL
You sufferin’, then, Coop. I don’t know what we have inside that could help you, but Nicole’ll be here soon. She’ll know what we got or where you can find what you need.

COOPER
Nah, that’s okay. Where is Nicole?

MARSHALL
Not here.

COOPER
That a goof?

MARSHALL
Sure. You get three guesses.

COOPER
Look at Marshall tryin’ on Coop’s shoes for a change.

MARSHALL
Three guesses in one minute.

COOPER
Up’n the ante.

MARSHALL
Let’s go.

COOPER
And if I guess wrong on all three?

MARSHALL
What’s your first guess.

COOPER
Stoppin’ off at her mom’s house.

MARSHALL
Good guess but no.

COOPER
A little jaunt at the discount store.

MARSHALL
Well done. No.

COOPER
So this is it.

MARSHALL
This is it.

COOPER
If I get it wrong, then…

MARSHALL
You’ll have to leave.

COOPER
For old friends that’s some stakes. Couldn’t I just sweep your floors?

MARSHALL
Us bein’ old friends is why I’ve not called the police already. What’s your guess?

COOPER
Very well, very well. Very. Well. Not at her mom’s. Not at the discount store. The grocery store’s always an option. Or the bank. She’s been known to hike it up to Beckley and back in an evening. She prefers to take a run in the morning….She at Janey-Bear’s?

MARSHALL
Jane called her. They’re gettin’ together for a minute.

COOPER
That sounds ominous.

MARSHALL
That why you’re here?

COOPER
You witnessed me guess.

MARSHALL
As if you didn’t already know.

COOPER
Those two get together and who knows what’ll happen. Best to keep back. Wait to see what happens and take cover.

MARSHALL
Take cover beneath my truck in the dark.

COOPER
I was hopin’ to hang for a bit. Catch up with my friend. It’s been awhile. Can’t even get you to log-in and play Call of Duty.

MARSHALL
Been busy.

COOPER
Me too. Me too. Who’d a thought how busy we’d become? Last night, get this, I get called in because some guy with seniority decided he wanted last minute to slip off down to Tennessee to do some fishing. Jane did not like that, but she also at the same time is after me to take the call because it’ll be time-and-a-half and that extra can be put toward the down payment on a home. She wants me home, she wants me gone. She pouts if I stay, if I go. But I go in for this old guy who’s got seniority and of all nights, we get stalled on the line because some other guy decided to lay down on the tracks just in time for a train to roll over him. Two halves of a man. Pop. What once was whole now is divided, cut in twain. Severed. Never goin’ back together again. Meanwhile, I can’t go home, but I can’t work either. Gettin’ paid for sittin’ might do for someone else, for rent-a-cops or teachers, but I like to move. Not that I want to slave all the time of course. But sittin’ around doin’ nothin’ – I’m liable to rattle into pieces. It’n’t funny how doin’ nothin’ can wear you out? I was wore out after that long night into day into night. Should I go home, though, there’d most certainly be work to do. ~Only to be told there’s more work to do, that the work ain’t done right, that do you want me to call my dad, I already called my dad, or I come home to find my future father-in-law elbow deep in the guts of my washing machine and my almost mother-in-law paintin’ or cleanin’ somethin’ in the place –which Jane intends to sale so we can buy a home. But I left work today, was drivin’ home, and it was like — a voice, you know — said, “Check in on your old pal, Marshall. See what he’s up to.”

MARSHALL
Did the voice tell you to skip out on callin’ beforehand or knockin’ on the front door. Go directly to clandestine tactics, hide under a truck in the dark. Stay quiet when Marshall shows up and fixes the lights.

COOPER
I intuited that clandestine part.

MARSHALL
You and your games.

COOPER
I like goofs. Seein’ people’s reactions.

MARSHALL
The voice didn’t say anything about making an offer on my truck.

COOPER
No. It did not. But I’m in the market for a different vehicle, so, again, business with pleasure. And it is a nice truck.

MARSHALL
The voice didn’t recommend stoppin’ by so you could confess some rascal-thing you did.

COOPER
Do you need to confess somethin’, Marshall – you think Nicole would’ve really shot me?

MARSHALL’S expression neither confirms nor denies COOPER’S statement.

COOPER
Nah, you wouldn’t let that happen.

MARSHALL
I didn’t see your car in the driveway.

COOPER
Parked it up the road.

MARSHALL
Part of the goof.

COOPER
You gotta commit if you’re gonna fool someone.

MARSHALL
What you need with a truck?

COOPER
I want to be like you, Marshall.

MARSHALL
But I don’t like goofs.

COOPER
You once did.

MARSHALL
Goofs like this one have a different feel to them. Something mean about ’em.

COOPER
You callin’ me a bully, Marshall.

MARSHALL
No. That’s not the word.

COOPER
There was time you enjoyed them. You don’t now. Very well. I will remember that if I’m to aim for trying to be like you. Now, how’s that song go? “He’s still workin’ on me. To make me what I ought to be.” He’s still workin’ on me, honey.

MARSHALL
Why a truck?

COOPER
“It took Him just a week-” tired of facin’ winter without four wheel drive – “to make the moon and stars. Jupiter and Venus-” Did I tell you about the time I was comin’ home out of Lashmeet when the snowfall hit so fast the salt trucks didn’t have time to salt the roads, and I ended up in a ditch just outside of Spanishburg? Had to hoof it up into Kegley to Duke’s garage to see if he’d bring his tow truck and yank my car out of that ditch. But we had to wait for at least three hours because of all the traffic stalled comin’ in and out of the valley. By the time we got to my car it was dark and cold and slick-ity-slick-slick-slick. My hands were so numb I could barely hold the steering wheel to drive home after that. My toes hardly could feel to press the gas or brakes. I was a drivin’ invalid. Cop pulled me over on account he said I was drunk-drivin’. Had me stand on one foot, walk a line, touch my nose. I know I looked a fool because my extremities were nearly froze off. Couldn’t get my bearings. I told him the story I told you. Stayed calm. Didn’t get excited so as to appear to be hide’n somethin’. Finally, he gives me a breath test and it comes back negative. Pristine in fact. Fair enough, he says. Get on home. Roads are dangerous. Don’t I know it, officer, I said. Don’t I know it. And that’s why I need a truck come this winter.

MARSHALL
Plenty of trucks in Mercer county.

COOPER
Not honest dealers. “Mercury and Mars…He’s still workin’ on me.”

MARSHALL
I couldn’t sell you my truck tonight.

COOPER
Why not?

MARSHALL
Startin’ a run tomorrow.

COOPER
Oh, Mover Man, right — You ’bout to kill me that time I made the run with you.

MARSHALL
We did all right.

COOPER
Hardest work I’ve ever done in my life. You lookin’ for help anymore? Still needin’ a partner?

MARSHALL
Nah, we’re gettin’ by.

COOPER
Who’s we?

MARSHALL
Me and Nicole.

COOPER
She makin’ those runs with you?

MARSHALL
Short ones, so we can be together.

COOPER
I’m talkin’ about those twelve-day long ones that draw curlicues across the country. Lookin’ like the Jews in the wilderness. Makin’ a week feel like 40 years worth.

MARSHALL
I have a guy or two, sometimes, who help then.

COOPER
And what about the sometimes they don’t?

MARSHALL
Shirt says Mover Man, not men.

COOPER
Out there all on your own.

MARSHALL
Sometimes.

COOPER
What’s that like.

MARSHALL
Very quiet.

COOPER
Too quiet, I bet.

MARSHALL
Nah…when it’s that quiet. When all that silence stretches out for miles ahead of and behind you, all around you, whether it’s the sky or the land, and the only thing is the sometimes traffic on the road, with you but not with you, there comes this pressing in like you’re too small and you’re gonna get crushed by everything. And at the same time, it’s like you’re bein’ pressed into it all, part of everything. I almost get a sense in real time what it looks like in those westerns we used to watch-

COOPER
-I never did like those-

MARSHALL
-and the last time I went on a run alone, I was driving through east Texas. Comin’ from Nagadoches, headed to Houston. I’d been awhile in Kentucky, then Alabama. A night in Louisiana. And those places had me makin’ several drops close enough together that I was constantly checkin’ the GPS and talkin’ with the customers and making all sorts of turns and drivin’ through cities or towns — just enough to keep my mind occupied. But after Nagadoches the road got long, as if it was takin’ its own time. That’s when it caught up with me. No, it didn’t catch me as much as that’s when I was quiet enough for long enough to see what had always been there. That was when the psalm like to come to life on me. “What is man that thou art mindful of him?” Then, yeah, I heard God. I heard God yet everythin’ stayed quiet. I heard God, and I started prayin’. I was thankin’ God for everything. Confessin’ sins. Askin’ for help with my sins. Even prayin’ for God to come back like He said He would. You’d have driven past me in the truck and not have known that God was talkin’ to me, that I was prayin’. Had you been in the passenger seat beside me you’d not have known either.

BEAT

COOPER
You sure it’s safe to drive like that?

MARSHALL
Come on, Coop.

COOPER
I’m just sayin’. You’re havin’ what sounds like an episode. What would you tell a cop should you have gotten pulled over?

MARSHALL
An episode?

COOPER
I’m imaginin’ it from the other side.

MARSHALL
The other side.

COOPER
The other side of what you said.

MARSHALL
So you think I’m a kook?

COOPER
A kook? When’d you start usin’ that word? No-

MARSHALL
You think God isn’t real.

COOPER
I think your story sounds good to the choir, but not everyone’s in the choir.

MARSHALL
But I’m askin’ about you.

COOPER
Jane don’t think I have the voice for choir.

MARSHALL
You’re a rascal, Coop.

COOPER
A rascal who’s in need of a truck. What’d you say? Let me make you an offer?

MARSHALL
Let me think about it while I work on these lights.

COOPER leaps into the TRUCK BED.

COOPER
I got you.

COOPER reaches up to the DEFECTIVE LIGHT. As he removes the DEFECTIVE LIGHT, his pants come free from his waist.

MARSHALL averts his eyes.

MARSHALL
Coop, you’re pants-

COOPER
Whoops. Hey, now. Look at that.

MARSHALL hears COOPER set down the DEFECTIVE LIGHT.

COOPER
-‘s accident.

MARSHALL hears COOPER pull up his pants.

COOPER
Sorry. There, all good.

MARSHALL turns to see COOPER, whose pants are back as they should be.

MARSHALL
Come on, Coop.

COOPER removes the other DEFECTIVE LIGHT.

COOPER
What?

COOPER hands both DEFECTIVE LIGHTS to MARSHALL.

MARSHALL
You can’t wear a belt or underwear?

COOPER
Nope.

MARSHALL
I’m buyin’ you suspenders.

COOPER
Marshall, honey. This ain’t nothin’ new.

MARSHALL hands up a GOOD LIGHT to COOPER.

MARSHALL
Don’t mean it should stay as is.

COOPER
As is is as is.

MARSHALL
What does that mean?

COOPER
It is what it is.

MARSHALL
You need to fix it.

COOPER
Fix it so I do like wearin’ belts and underwear.

MARSHALL
Is that so odd?

COOPER
Doin’ what everybody else does is not always the way to go, Marshall. One’s got to think for himself every now and again, you know.

MARSHALL
Sometimes the bulk of people do a thing because they know it’s good. Like wearin’ underwear or at least belts and pants that fit so they don’t drop every minute.

COOPER
Is it so ba-

MARSHALL
Yes. It better not happen again. Old friends or not. It better not happen again.

BEAT

COOPER
It won’t happen again.

COOPER removes a DEFECTIVE LIGHT and hands it over to MARSHALL.

COOPER
Don’t you worry.

MARSHALL hesitates for a moment.

COOPER
Come on, Marshall. Won’t happen again.

MARSHALL takes the DEFECTIVE LIGHT from COOPER and passes him a GOOD LIGHT.

COOPER installs the last GOOD LIGHT.

MARSHALL moves toward the WORK BENCH. He retrieves the box marked “PICS.”

MARSHALL
Jane fine with you gettin’ a truck?

COOPER
Jane, Janey, Janey-Bear….What you got there?

COOPER hops from the TRUCK BED.

MARSHALL watches COOPER for a moment as if to repeat the question. His expression shifts, and he taps the BOX marked “Pics.”

MARSHALL
Throw Back Thursday.

COOPER
You finally gettin’ an account.

MARSHALL
Yes.

COOPER
To keep up with me.

MARSHALL
To keep up with the gym.

COOPER
And with yours truly.

MARSHALL
Part of their new membership campaign. They want to connect the community. They want us to post an older picture of ourselves. Should be pretty fun.

COOPER
Pictures is fun.

MARSHALL
Can be.

COOPER
But liftin’ weights is the opposite of fun.

MARSHALL
Come on, Coop.

COOPER
I don’t need to listen to some guy or gal snortin’ and growlin’ cause it’s PR day, and I don’t want some coach either yellin’ at me to get one more rep, or cheer me on because “you can do it!”

MARSHALL
Some of that is silly.

COOPER
Most of it is.

MARSHALL
Good to get strong, though. Feel strong.

COOPER
Rollin’ with a four-wheeler through the woods. That’ll make you feel strong.

MARSHALL
So’s makin’ a long run with Mover Man.

COOPER
That, my friend, no, is too long on with nothin’ goin’ on. Then, after you’re tired from sittin’ in a truck for half the day you gotta haul ass to deliver God-knows-what to someone who’s eye-ballin’ your every move and ready like a gun slinger to whip out a “Hey, what’s this.” “This ain’t what I ordered.” “You’re takin’ that back with you.”

MARSHALL
There’s plenty of that. You’re right.

COOPER
No thank you, Marshall. Nothin’ against you, but I’d rather finagle with the railroad. Got a better retirement plan there, too.

MARSHALL
I like workin’ for myself.

COOPER
Nobody works only for himself.

MARSHALL
Says the company employee.

COOPER
Says the company employee.

BEAT

MARSHALL
Four-wheeler’s a lot of work.

COOPER
So is dealin’ with underwear or a belt – here, I’ll find a good one for you. Watch out. And watch me work.

COOPER all but dives into the BOX. MARSHALL steps aside.

MARSHALL
What’s Jane frustrated about?

COOPER
What’s she not frustrated about?

MARSHALL
What do you mean by that?

COOPER
Everything’s got her riled up.

MARSHALL
Give me somethin”.

COOPER
Wedding day comin’ up. Honeymoon. Trying to get the trailer ready for sale. Worryin’ it won’t sell or won’t sale for a good price. Then confident it’ll bring in good money and we’ll have a respectable down payment and break even on our time off of work for our honeymoon. Then frettin’ over tryin’ to find a good deal on a house. If there’s gonna be neighbors, that they be good neighbors and not like the ones surrounding her parents. But she’d prefer no neighbors so we can raise chickens, grow a small crop, maybe have goat or two. But that kind of property puts her far enough from the things she likes that you couldn’t just make a quick run to wherever. Plus, places like that around here usually don’t plowed well in winter, so we’d have to invest in that. Which I’m all for because I could just hook a plow onto the front of my four-wheeler, but that means we’d need a place to store the plow because she doesn’t want equipment left out in the open; says it’s too easy to steal and it makes the home look like a dump. Thinkin’ she’s one day fat. One day her hair’s boring. One day her face is ugly. One day she says she’s got nothin’ to offer, no skills, no real interests. Hates her job. Hates the women — or a particular woman — she works with. The next day she’s excited, feels good about herself. Believes her job is worthwhile, doin’ some good at least for some people. Thinks the woman she don’t like will one day get what’s comin’ to her. Sees she’s not like most women in this area, overweight, tattooed, roots showin’, smokers, fighters, gossip-mills, only interested in their kids like little idols, she says, because they can’t keep their husbands’ interest more than sports, fishin’, four-wheelin’, other women. Or in some cases, other men. What’s she not frustrated about? Everything.

MARSHALL
That sounds like everything.

COOPER
Don’t I know it.

MARSHALL
She know you’re here.

COOPER
Does Jane know that I am here?

MARSHALL
Yes.

COOPER
Does Nicole have your itinerary?

MARSHALL
Pretty much.

COOPER
Minute-by-minute.

MARSHALL
We keep each other in the know.

COOPER
For the guy who quarterbacked our team, seems odd you’d hand over the reigns to anyone.

MARSHALL
Our team never had a winning record. And I had to check in with the coach.

COOPER
Nicole’s your coach.

MARSHALL
No. And our football coach was an alcoholic.

COOPER
What’n he, though. Come to every game already startin’ his weekend swim.

MARSHALL
Probably was already drowned before Friday nights were over.

COOPER
Yeah. But we had fun.
(Cooper snatches up a photo from the box)
This is great. Little Marshall in diapers.

MARSHALL peeks at the PHOTO then rummages through the BOX.

MARSHALL
Nah.

COOPER
It’s at least a candidate.

COOPER sets down the PHOTO.

COOPER
Let’s have another go at it.

Again, COOPER searches the BOX marked “PICS.”

MARSHALL
I know what one I’m lookin’ for.

COOPER
Just need a minute.

COOPER pops up from the BOX. He holds a PHOTO.

COOPER
Winner, winner.

COOPER hands the PHOTO to MARSHALL who blushes.

MARSHALL
Forgot about this one.

COOPER
Little Marshall standin’ up in the tub. His pride and joy on display. That’ll get a hoot online.

MARSHALL
I don’t think so.

COOPER snatches the PHOTO from MARSHALL.

COOPER
Another candidate, then.

COOPER eyes the PHOTO long enough for MARSHALL to take a turn with the BOX marked “PICS.”

MARSHALL
This is the one I was lookin’ for.

MARSHALL lifts a photograph from the box. COOPER peers at it. He holds up both PHOTOS he found earlier.

COOPER
Either one of these is superior.

MARSHALL
My customers would love that.

COOPER
At least the diapers. A compromise.

MARSHALL
Another time maybe.

COOPER
Look at the little stinker.

MARSHALL
This one’ll do.

COOPER
Let me see.

COOPER snatches the PHOTO and peers at it.

MARSHALL
Ten years to the day.

COOPER
What?

MARSHALL
Ten years to the day.

COOPER
So.

MARSHALL
So-

COOPER
-So. Ten years don’t make somethin’ notable just because-

MARSHALL
-First date with Nicole.

COOPER
Oh, well, all right, then. First date with Nicole.

MARSHALL
First kiss, too.

COOPER
You guys snuck kisses earlier than that.

MARSHALL
When we were in kindergarten.

COOPER
Right.

MARSHALL
Not the same.

COOPER
Congratulations, then.

MARSHALL
Thank you. And you were there-

COOPER
-People like baby photos.

MARSHALL
Neither one of those is a baby photo.

COOPER
Toddler, then. If we’re being exact. And if we’re bein’ exact, the photo you’re all excited about isn’t ten years to the day of your first kiss because you and Nicole used to peek each other in kindergarten.

MARSHALL
Not the same, Cooper.

COOPER
Just bein’ precise.

MARSHALL
Precisely wrong’s more like it. But we can at least call it for our first date.

COOPER
‘S all I ask.

MARSHALL
Okay.

COOPER
And I will find a picture of baby Marshall.

COOPER tucks the PHOTO MARSHALL wanted into his back pant’s pocket and digs into the BOX marked “PICS.”

MARSHALL approaches the corner where the pile of PACKING BLANKETS lies. He takes them one at a time, folds them, stacks them.

MARSHALL
You made what’s her name upset-

COOPER
-Don’t remember.

MARSHALL
Sure you do-

COOPER
-Nope.

MARSHALL
Melissa. That’s it. Melissa Jones-

COOPER springs away from the BOX and points at one of the earlier PHOTOS he selected.

COOPER
-Look at those jowls-

MARSHALL
Coop. You remember that.

COOPER
This picture is adorable.

MARSHALL
You said it was a joke, but she was devastated-

COOPER
-She wasn’t devastated.

MARSHALL
See. You do remember.

COOPER
She couldn’t take a joke.

MARSHALL
You sure it was a joke?

COOPER
Let’s find a different photo.

COOPER goes back at the contents of BOX marked “PICS.”

MARSHALL
Where’d you get the idea for that?

COOPER
If you don’t want a little-kid picture of yourself-

MARSHALL
-That was way out there.

COOPER
It wasn’t way out there.

MARSHALL
Us just bein’ in middle school.

COOPER
It was a goof.

MARSHALL
Oh yeah.

COOPER
Oh yeah.

MARSHALL
How’d that reaction work out for ya’?

COOPER
Made for a memory.

MARSHALL
Yes it did. Probably for some therapy for miss Melissa, too.

COOPER
Not everything comes to us when we want.

MARSHALL
What’s that got to do with Melissa?

COOPER
Oh, I just set my goals too high.

MARSHALL
Should that have been a goal?

COOPER
What’s a life without somethin’ to look forward to.

MARSHALL
Depends on what you’re lookin’ for.

COOPER
Gotta have goals.

MARSHALL
Gotta have good goals.

COOPER
To each his own.

MARSHALL
Not all goals are equal.

COOPER
Like I said, to each his own.

MARSHALL
Like your goal of sneaking in here.

COOPER
Not for illegal purposes.

BEAT

MARSHALL
What were you thinkin’.

COOPER
Just havin’ fun.

MARSHALL
With Melissa all those years ago.

COOPER
Same thing.

MARSHALL
A goof.

COOPER
That’s right.

MARSHALL
That sort-a thing would’ve stood a chance, maybe, with Jazz Porterfield.

COOPER
Jasmine Porterfield.

MARSHALL
But even at that age, I don’t know.

COOPER
She was alright.

MARSHALL
That’s what most of the school thought.

COOPER
Hey, now. You and Nikki got together in the eighth grade, Marshall, honey. The two of you did what the rest of us had to search around for. You guys haven’t let go of each other since. But you two are the oddity. The rest of us gotta keep lookin’.

MARSHALL
Is that what’s got Jane made at you? You still lookin’.

COOPER
Lookin’ is lookin’. Like we’re lookin’ at these old photos. Ain’t no crime, ain’t no sin in that.

MARSHALL
Lookin’ ain’t wise.

COOPER
It’s not the same as tryin’ or buyin’.

MARSHALL
Which is where lookin’ tends to lead.

COOPER leaves off the BOX marked “PICS.” His attention honed in on MARSHALL.

COOPER
You want us to walk around blind to the world all around us?

MARSHALL
No.

COOPER
Than what do you plan on doin’? What do you expect of us, Marshall?

MARSHALL
Some self-control.

COOPER
You gonna go track down one of ladies from these pictures? You gonna use your account and gym membership to check the field, see what’s out there, see what’s available?

MARSHALL
No. But I ought to still be careful.

COOPER
Hell, I am not judging you. It’s what most of everybody does because, like I said, we got to go lookin’ for it. It’s the odd couple who find each other and don’t let go. But I’d wager my paycheck on Nicole not liken any of that. Unless…

MARSHALL
Unless what?

COOPER
Unless she’s lookin’ too.

MARSHALL
She’s not.

COOPER
You never know.

MARSHALL
I trust her. She’s one to trust.

COOPER
And you?

MARSHALL
Me too.

COOPER
You must be because you never moved to Los Angeles, where they make all the adult movies, even though you looked and looked at their handiwork for plenty of years.

MARSHALL
That took a miracle.

COOPER
Miracle. What are you talkin’ about, miracle?

MARSHALL
I’m just a man, Cooper.

COOPER
So what.

MARSHALL
I have it in me to do the worst of things, want the worst of things, if I’m not careful.

COOPER
You’re too hard on yourself.

MARSHALL
Tryin’ to live in a manner befitting the image we all bear.

COOPER
Where did you get that?

MARSHALL
Somethin’ the preacher said awhile back when he started our study on Genesis, the first book of the Bible.

COOPER
I know what Genesis is, Marshall. Thank you very much.

MARSHALL
If we’re made in the image of God then we ought to live like it and not just satisfy our own wants or needs.

COOPER
You’re too hard on yourself.

MARSHALL
That’s not it-

COOPER
-It is. It is it. It is the thing with you and everyone like you, even if they don’t believe in God. Even if they’re a environmentalist whack or someone thinkin’ all white people are racists or one of those who think we should only eat meat or drive only electric cars. And people too hard on themselves tend to take it out on everybody else. Expect them to share in the guilt.

MARSHALL
That’s not it, either.

COOPER
Tomayto, tomahto.

MARSHALL
How does Jane pronounce it?

COOPER
Jane’ll come around.

MARSHALL
What does that mean?

COOPER
It means she’ll come around.

BEAT

MARSHALL
May I have the photo back?

COOPER
Give me a minute.

COOPER mines the BOX marked “PICS.”

COOPER
We haven’t considered all the candidates.

MARSHALL
But I know the one I want.

COOPER
You’re more open-minded than that.

COOPER emerges from the BOX marked “PICS.” He holds a STACK of PHOTOS and lays each one out on the WORKBENCH.

COOPER
Now. Let’s give consideration to each of these potentials. Refrain from any prejudice or bias.

MARSHALL
Coop.

COOPER
Humor me.

MARSHALL
What have I been doin’ this whole time?

COOPER
This is gonna be your first post. It needs to be a good one.

MARSHALL
Who cares about all that.

COOPER
People, Marshall, honey. People. Get over here.

MARSHALL steps to the WORKBENCH. With flare befitting a showman or a Pentecostal evangelist, COOPER points to a PHOTO.

COOPER
Last football game.

MARSHALL
We lost. I threw an interception on the last play to win.

COOPER
Was a moral victory.

MARSHALL
Those only happen when you lose?

COOPER
Last football game, Marshall. Football is about strength about bein’ in shape. You post this and it can be like you’re returning to something you forgot.

MARSHALL
You sayin’ I’m outta shape?

COOPER
You’re the one with a gym membership.

MARSHALL
Don’t mean you couldn’t use one.

COOPER
I have my hobbies thank you.

MARSHALL
Doin’ goofs.

COOPER
I’m not goofin’ now I’m not. Then, you have this one.

COOPER points to another PHOTO.

COOPER
Charleston. Field trip. Freshman year. The state capital, Marshall.

MARSHALL
And what’s the story?

COOPER
“Montani semper libri.”

MARSHALL
“Mountaineers are always free.”

COOPER
You gotta be strong and smart to be free. It’n’t that what a gym represents?

MARSHALL
And you don’t want a membership?

COOPER
I’m free. I’m free through other means.

MARSHALL
Free like hidin’ underneath my truck in the dark.

COOPER
Free to make the goofs I wanna make.

MARSHALL
Just not face their consequences.

MARSHALL points to the next PHOTO.

MARSHALL
What you got for this one?

COOPER
This one goes with this one.

COOPER holds up TWO PHOTOS side-by-side.

COOPER
Nicole in her cheerleader outfit. You in your Dojo get-up.

MARSHALL
I look ridiculous.

COOPER
Can’t take yourself too serious.

MARSHALL
I’d need to get Nicole’s permission before postin’ that picture of her.

COOPER
You are kiddin’ me.

MARSHALL
No.

COOPER
So then get it. No one said you have to post the photo right now. She’ll be here soon.

MARSHALL
I want to post it now so it’s done.

COOPER
All in good time. All in good time.

MARSHALL
You got a story for these?

COOPER
Easy. It’s a lot like the football one. Gettin’ back to a more active lifestyle. Liftin’ weights. Gruntin’. Huffin’ and puffin’. Just like your jujitsu days. Only less gay.

MARSHALL
You’re a rascal, Coop.

COOPER
Just goofin’.

MARSHALL
Cheerleadin’s not like jujitsu.

COOPER
Cheerleadin’s a silly sport. So it really is kind of gay. A lot like weightliftin’ or Cross Fit, which is what you’re gettin’ into. But the ladies’ outfits are nice. Which is what I gather from drivin’ by the local Cross Fit gym. Anyway, you say somethin’ nice about Nicole and how you’d like to stay fit for her. Give her somethin’ to cheer about.

MARSHALL
That’s silly.

COOPER
I’m not hearin’ any ideas from you.

MARSHALL
Because I know the photo I want to post. It’s got you in it. You’ve not said anything about that. And it’s good memory for me with Nicole.

COOPER pulls the PHOTO from his back pants pocket.

COOPER
This photo?

MARSHALL
Yes.

MARSHALL reaches for it. COOPER snatches it back.

COOPER
Don’t post this one.

MARSHALL
What?

COOPER
Now, Marshall, honey. Let’s have ourselves a negotiation.

MARSHALL
A negotiation.

COOPER
Hear me out. Hear me out. That’s all I ask. That you hear me out.

MARSHALL
What are you doin’ here, Coop?

COOPER
I’m tryin’ to talk with a friend.

MARSHALL
This isn’t talkin’.

COOPER
Then what do you call it when words are comin’ out of our mouths?

MARSHALL
This, right now. With you. This is you doin’ the talkin’ and me tryin’ to follow whatever is you’re sayin’. It’s another one of your goofs.

COOPER
This is not a goof.

MARSHALL
It is. So you can get whatever it is you get out of watching people’s reactions to the nonsense that comes out of your mouth and the nonsense that you do. You sneaked into my garage. Hid beneath my truck. In the dark. Let me fix all these lights and didn’t say a word. Act as if you’re playin’ hide-and-go-seek when I do spot you. Jump into a story about some guy gettin’ divided asunder by a train during your work hours, only to claim you’re here entirely out of an interest in buyin’ my truck. Now, you and I go far enough back that I didn’t just shoot you for trespassin’-

COOPER
-You got that gun on you?

MARSHALL
But then you still won’t tell me why you’re really here. You hold my picture in what’s more like a hostage negotiation, and I’m just supposed to play along with the goof.

BEAT

COOPER hands over the PHOTO.

COOPER
Have it your way.

MARSHALL
We been havin’ it your way for the past half hour.

COOPER
You don’t care why?

MARSHALL
Why what?

COOPER
Why I don’t want the photo posted.

MARSHALL
You need me to ask why, Cooper. Why, Cooper, why do you not want this photo posted?

COOPER
It’s a simple question.

MARSHALL
Will the answer be likewise.

COOPER
Melissa could get riled up.

MARSHALL
What’s the story there?

COOPER
Ah, now, don’t you worry about that.

MARSHALL
I’m not worried. Should I call Jane?

COOPER
Just tryin’ to avoid drama is all.

MARSHALL
I thought some people lived for online drama. It’s one reason I’ve stayed away from it.

COOPER
People live for drama, Marshall. What’s life without it but work and bills and puttin’ on weight and puttin’ up with shit and then dyin’.

MARSHALL
Life’s more than that.

COOPER
Right. So says the oddity.

MARSHALL
I ain’t sayin’ life’s easy.

COOPER
That’s right.

MARSHALL
I’m sayin’ we sometimes pull the roof down on our own heads.

COOPER
And sometimes somebody stomps it down on us.

MARSHALL
Which is it this time?

COOPER
You tell me.

MARSHALL
I’m trying to figure it out.

COOPER
You’ll be chasin’ a ghost is all. Nothin’ really makes sense. We might have actual facts, like bein’ born and dyin’, but the sense of it all — who knows.

COOPER
We haven’t seen each other in awhile, Marshall. You said so yourself.

MARSHALL
Time don’t have the same effects on everybody the same.

COOPER
More ghost trails.

COOPER moves towards the STACK of PACKING BLANKETS.

COOPER
More ghost trails and mysteries beyond explanation, Marshall.

COOPER stretches himself out on the STACK of PACKING BLANKETS.

COOPER
Mind if I lay here?

MARSHALL
Where’s this comin’ from? You weren’t like that when we were playin’ football.

COOPER
We never had a winning season. Said so, yourself, Marshall.

MARSHALL
And you said we had fun.

COOPER
We had fun. Who has fun anymore? I can’t even enjoy a goof with an old friend.

MARSHALL
Some would call what you’ve done here, trespassing.

COOPER
Yeah. But you said it was a goof.

MARSHALL
I was goin’ off what you said.

COOPER
Don’t listen’ to me. I’m bleak.

MARSHALL
You’re a rascal. That’s for sure.

COOPER
You haven’t called the law.

MARSHALL
Tryin’ to give an old friend the benefit of the doubt.

COOPER
I’m talking about the photo.

MARSHALL
Then you don’t care that I post it.

COOPER
No, Marshall. Keep track.

MARSHALL
How about you make sense to someone other than yourself alone for a change.

COOPER
I’m talkin’ about not givin’ the photo back to you. That goof. I do not want you to post that photo.

MARSHALL
Why not?

COOPER
Why not what. You’re not makin’ any sense.

MARSHALL
Why not post the photo?

COOPER
Marshall, honey, some problems aren’t worth the solutions it takes to fix ’em.

MARSHALL
What problems?

COOPER
Women, man.

MARSHALL
Like you’re so swell.

COOPER
Women talk.

MARSHALL
You’re pretty chatty yourself.

COOPER
Women blather. You know.

MARSHALL
They can do that.

COOPER
And you’re about to get your own social media account. You’ll see. Most the traffic is women talkin’, postin’ pictures, talkin’ about what they post, what they’re gonna post, who posted what, who said what. All the while their just tellin’ everyone else what to do.

MARSHALL
Everybody talks.

COOPER
Women talk the lion’s share.

MARSHALL
Let ’em talk.

COOPER
That’s what I’ve been doin’ my life.

MARSHALL
You’ve caused ’em plenty of trouble.

COOPER
On account of their blatherin’.

MARSHALL
Best to keep steady. Talk don’t always mean truth.

COOPER
Truth don’t mean much if it’s the last one through the door. You’ll see. Good luck keepin’ up with all that’s ’bout to head your way.

MARSHALL
Seems I’ve got enough headin’ my way right here.

COOPER
That hurts, Marshall, honey.

MARSHALL
You’re online all the time. What are you talkin’ about all that’s headed my way.

COOPER
I can handle it.

MARSHALL
The blather.

COOPER
The blather. The gossip. The fret.

MARSHALL
Which is why you’re hidin’ in the dark of my garage.

COOPER
I’m handlin’ it.

MARSHALL
And I can’t?

COOPER
You said yourself you’re just a man.

MARSHALL
And that I should be careful.

COOPER
You don’t suffer fools much.

MARSHALL
What would you call this?

COOPER
You said giving an old friend the benefit of the doubt.

MARSHALL
Doubt has it limits.

COOPER rises from the STACK of PACKING BLANKETS.

COOPER
That’s my cue.

MARSHALL
Leavin’. So soon.

COOPER
Don’t want to push doubt over the line.

MARSHALL
Okay. But you don’t have to go.

COOPER
I don’t.

MARSHALL
For a guy who likes to goof, you’re awful touchy.

COOPER
On account of this ichthyosis.

MARSHALL
Right.

COOPER
But if you’re fine I stay a bit longer, then I’ll stay. As long as it’s okay with you.

MARSHALL
Nicole’ll be home soon enough. That’s when you’re leavin’ anyway. If you’ve kicked a hornets nest, stayin’ here another few minutes more rather than goin’ back to it won’t matter much, I guess.

COOPER
I guess you’re right.

MARSHALL
Jane and Melissa aren’t friends.

COOPER
What?

MARSHALL
It just hit me that Jane and Melissa aren’t friends.

COOPER
I know.

MARSHALL
Not online either.

COOPER
Been lookin’ over Nicole’s shoulder.

MARSHALL
We are creatures of sight.

COOPER
I knew it. I knew it. So you don’t trust Nikki. I knew it.

MARSHALL
I trust Nicole.

COOPER
Really?

MARSHALL
Really.

COOPER
Think she trusts you?

MARSHALL
Yeah.

COOPER
Then you can’t keep away from the drama, either. Only you’re gonna pose as someone who’s using it to keep up with what’s goin’ on with the gym. You don’t have to explain yourself, Marshall, honey. I’m on your side.

MARSHALL
Whatever, Coop.

COOPER
What you want is a way to look at what’s goin’ on without relying on Nicole, without having her commentary on it, her approval or disapproval.

MARSHALL
You’re way off the mark.

COOPER
I say everyman needs his space. A man can handle havin’ a boss, but even that’s a strain sometime. Try to be a man’s mommy, however, and you got another thing comin’.

MARSHALL
Nicole’s not my mom.

COOPER
Because you don’t let her be.

MARSHALL
And because she ain’t.

COOPER
Marshall, you been with the same woman all this time and don’t know much.

MARSHALL
I know you’re more than likely in a heap of trouble but you’re too much of a rascal to come out and admit it or ask for help or try to do somethin’ different than what got you into this mess in the first place.

COOPER
Say that again.

MARSHALL
I know not to look elsewhere.

COOPER
Lookin’ elsewhere don’t mean you’re going to go elsewhere.

MARSHALL
It don’t help.

COOPER
Women say they want a man. A man needs his space. A man looks. A man was made to look. Women say they want a man. Most ladies wouldn’t know a man if one sat on their face.

MARSHALL
That’s gross.

COOPER
What they want. What they want more than anything is someone they can tell what to do. They want someone they can dress. Someone who’s tastes they can change. And what they love tellin’ you is, NO. Someone they can loom over. Helicopter over — Helicopter parents. You know them. They’re a product of women, and if those women are married, they train their men to hover over their kids as if the kids were so fragile they’d break into pieces like Humpty Dumpty and never be put back together again. So to better keep the kids in line they gotta keep the man in line. Keepin’ their man in line is just practice for raisin’ kids, especially boys. They have a girl, then they train them to be like themselves. You are a married man and you’re not careful, havin’ kids is just finishin’ school for you.

MARSHALL
You’re paintin’ in wild generalities.

COOPER
Tell me I’m wrong.

MARSHALL
Some couples balance each other out, work with each other, work for each other.

COOPER
What woman you know likes to be told what to do?

MARSHALL
Some, sure. Just like most men.

COOPER
What woman you know is fine with bein’ told, no?

MARSHALL
Fine. It cuts both ways.

COOPER
Yeah, but it really cuts up men.

MARSHALL
Then why’d you propose to Jane?

COOPER
I know how to hold my own.

MARSHALL
Which is why you’re hidin’ out in my garage.

COOPER
Careful, Marshall, honey. You’ll be seeking refuge in my garage before you know it. Pride goeth before a fall.

MARSHALL
You on the verge of a fall, Cooper?

COOPER
Janey-Bear’ll come around. That’s the thing with women. They come around, eventually, and everything turns out fine. Because what a women doesn’t want beneath all the rules and bossin’ is they don’t want to be alone.

MARSHALL
Who does?

COOPER
What?

MARSHALL
It’s not good for man to be alone.

COOPER
I don’t know about that.

MARSHALL
Yet you’ve proposed to Jane, and you’ve not called off the wedding. Let’s say she’s as much a mess as you claim she is, even if she comes around, she’ll go off again, and again you’ll take shelter in my garage. So why not leave? Go out on your own?

BEAT

COOPER
If you were to tear that picture up and burn it, I’d pay you cash money for your truck right now.

MARSHALL
Coop. You’re a rascal.

COOPER
You’re sayin’ you wouldn’t take cash money right now for this truck?

MARSHALL
Now we’re back on the truck.

COOPER sits in the driver’s seat of the truck.

BEAT

MARSHALL tucks the PHOTO into his back pocket.

MARSHALL
Hard to come by a fine truck.

COOPER
Yeah.

MARSHALL
Might not find as good a one.

COOPER
Might, though. Trucks are everywhere. We’re in Appalachia, Marshall, honey.

MARSHALL
All trucks are not created equal.

COOPER
Fine. Don’t take cash money right now for this truck.

MARSHALL
You got that cash?

COOPER
Sure I do. But you post the picture, and the offer’s null and void.

MARSHALL
You seem certain I need your offer.

COOPER
Everybody takes money.

MARSHALL
Not for the same things.

COOPER
For school bills they do.

MARSHALL
School bills.

MARSHALL walks around the front of the TRUCK. COOPER opens the DRIVER’S DOOR, bringing MARSHALL to a halt. COOPER Steps out of the truck.

COOPER
You and Nikki. I know you got school-loans.

MARSHALL
We’re makin’ payments.

COOPER
Be nice to make the last payment.

MARSHALL
That day’ll come.

COOPER
Even so, Lord. Come quickly.

MARSHALL
So you’re really tryin’ to help.

COOPER
Way back when, Nicole said she would like to stay home when you guys start havin’ babies.

MARSHALL
Yeah. So.

COOPER
So. Those collectors don’t put a stay of execution just because you decide to start a family.

MARSHALL
We’ll make do.

COOPER
And here’s a means to make do a little bit easier.

MARSHALL
You speak as if the money is in your pockets.

COOPER
I’m just really happy to see you.

MARSHALL
Let’s see that money.

COOPER
You puttin’ the picture away for good? Mason, honey. Mason Andrew David Marshall.

MARSHALL
Cooper Alvin Shrewbury.

MARSHALL walks back around the front of the TRUCK.

MARSHALL
You wanna come up to the house?

COOPER
Here’s good.

BEAT

MARSHALL picks up the PHOTOS COOPER laid out on WORKBENCH and returns them to the BOX marked “PICS.”

COOPER
Besides, Nikki wouldn’t like me bein’ in her house.

MARSHALL
Coop.

COOP shuts the DRIVER’S DOOR of the TRUCK and joins MARSHALL.

COOPER
Tell me I’m wrong.

MARSHALL
She’s not here now.

COOPER
I knew it.

MARSHALL
You wanna fish?

COOPER
At night?

MARSHALL
We’ve done it before.

COOPER
I’m good here. Until Nikki gets back. Then I’m gone.

MARSHALL
What’d you do?

COOPER
Just want to look for a truck.

MARSHALL
Why’s Jane upset with you?

COOPER
Marshall, honey, I’m offended.

MARSHALL
There’s something true.

COOPER
Come on now. I’m Mr. Laid Back.

MARSHALL
You haven’t sounded laid back tonight.

COOPER
Circumstances.

MARSHALL
You don’t ever go quietly in anywhere. Part of the reason our football team struggled is you spent half your time talkin’ trash to the other team and their fans. Got the entire school against us. They took great joy in stompin’ us, usually taking it out on me. We did lead the conference in sacks given up. You wanna stay here for awhile. Pay the toll.

COOPER
I’m trying to pay you cash for this here truck.

MARSHALL
The toll is an answer to my question. I can always post the photo.

COOPER
Is this Nikki askin’?

MARSHALL
This is me askin’.

COOPER
I didn’t know you to be so persistent.

MARSHALL
I didn’t know you to trespass.

COOPER
You’ve known me to goof around.

MARSHALL
This is different.

COOPER
Only ’cause you ain’t been in on it.

MARSHALL
That’s not it.

COOPER
This has got to be Nikki askin’ through you.

MARSHALL
Enough about Nicole.

COOPER
Just sayin’ you knew when to leave well enough alone.

MARSHALL
Coop, she’s earned your respect.

COOPER
What about me to her?

MARSHALL
You wanna have this conversation with Nicole?

COOPER
I’m havin’ it with my friend.

MARSHALL
When she gets her, ask her.

COOPER
Are you not my friend, Marshall?

MARSHALL
Nicole can speak for herself.

COOPER
That’s right. You’ll get it wrong. Mess things up. Be in trouble. Come on, Marshall, honey. The ball’s in your hand. Or I thought it was. You don’t really want Nikki to take this one do you?

MARSHALL
Why’s Jane upset with you. Nicole’s with her now. I can call ’em. Get Jane’s take on the situation. How much you wanna bet the situation doesn’t favor you.

COOPER
What situation?

MARSHALL
The situation that’s landed you here.

COOPER
I’m here to talk to you about your truck.

MARSHALL
Fine. I’m not sellin’ you my truck. Now we’ve talked about the truck.

COOPER
Pass up on some useful cash.

MARSHALL
How much you wanna bet you need this truck more than I need the money you may not even have on you?

COOPER
I’ll walk right now.

MARSHALL
Go right ahead. I’ll watch the shenanigans that pop up online after I post this picture you’re so worried about.

BEAT

COOPER
Nikki don’t know.

MARSHALL
Don’t know what?

COOPER
Nikki don’t know Jane. Jane’s a big girl.

MARSHALL
Jane and Nikki are best friends.

COOPER
You can’t know everything about everyone.

MARSHALL
Which means you can’t know Jane.

COOPER
I know her better than Nikki does.

MARSHALL
Then you know why Jane’s upset with you. You don’t have to tell me. But you comin’ here was not to buy my truck. It wasn’t the only thing. You wanna sit here, I’ll sit here. Nicole gets back you can have that conversation, or you can leave.

COOPER
Janey-Bear’s not happy with me.

MARSHALL
For what?

COOPER
She’s crazy. Toll paid.

MARSHALL
No she’s not.

COOPER
She is a crazy woman.

MARSHALL
I’ve lived with you, Coop. Nicole and I took you in for awhile. I love you, man, but I’d rather pay school-loans my whole life than have you as a roommate. And Jane is going to marry you.

COOPER
She’s definitely crazy.

MARSHALL
If that’s so, Nicole can help.

COOPER
By tellin’ Jane not to marry me, I bet. Wouldn’t be the first time Nicole’s talked that girl out of a wedding.

MARSHALL
One of the best decisions Jane ever made. Besides, it left Jane available for you, you dummy.

COOPER
Thought I was gonna see a friend.

MARSHALL
Quit it, Coop. You’re not my friend.

COOPER
You said you loved me, Marshall?

MARSHALL
Love and like aren’t twins.

COOPER
Cut me to the quick, Brutus. I am offended.

MARSHALL
You wanna have a talk like friends, talk like men. Let’s do that. This dilly-dally, tippy-toe, hopscotch, hide-and-seek. It’s not how friends do. It’s not how men do.

BEAT

COOPER
Dilly-dally.

MARSHALL
Tryin’ not to cuss.

COOPER
You should try not to sound like an idiot.

MARSHALL
Says the guy hiding in the dark.

COOPER
Tippy-toe.

MARSHALL
You’ve got problems bigger than my not using foul language.

COOPER
Nikki never did like language. Unless, of course, when she used it when she was upset. Then it was justified. But from anyone else, it was a transgression of tremendous offense.

MARSHALL
She’s worked on that. Besides, who likes being corrected when they’re in the midst of being upset.

COOPER
I like to call people out for their hypocrisy.

MARSHALL
You’re kiddin’, right.

COOPER
So you’re tryin’ not to use bad words.

MARSHALL
Not with a kid on the way.

COOPER
Marshall and Nikki startin’ a family.

MARSHALL
Yes.

COOPER
So what’s with the cage?

MARSHALL’S expression reveals his surprise, even annoyance at COOPER’S question. What does a cage have to do with havin’ a family?

MARSHALL
Raccoons were bustin’ into our trash, makin’ a mess, scarin’ the cat. We tried lockin’ the trash cans. The raccoons were belligerent. We tried special trash bags that locked in the odors of the trash. Nothin’ doin. A friend at church was talkin’ one day after Sunday school about how he had opossums real bad on his property. He bought this cage, trapped the possum by leavin’ cat food in it, then shot the thing. Pretty soon, a creature like that will work its way into your home. Especially a raccoon. So I borrowed the cage from the guy. Set it out with some cat food in it. Next morning I found the biggest of the lot trapped. It’d scratched up the ground all around the cage. Was growlin’ when I appeared. Bit at the barrel of the ’22 I pressed through the grate against it’s head. Snarled until I pulled the trigger. It’s head snapped back, and it’s body went limp . I shot it twice for good measure. Crazy how much I was shaking at first. But I killed it. Then carried it into the woods, dug a whole in the ground. Buried its body back there. They look like masked robbers, but they act like a monster when cornered. So what nerves I had when I first approached the animal all went away to make room for the truth that the animal was wild, was makin’ a mess around our home, and could not be reasoned with, especially not when I had it trapped. Death is a sad thing. But I’m glad to have been on the right end of that exchange and to’ve been capable to do what needed done.

BEAT

COOPER
I was lookin’. Janey’s riled up because I was lookin’.

BEAT

MARSHALL
Melissa.

COOPER shrugs his shoulders as if to say, “Yes.”

MARSHALL
How long you been sleepin’ with her.

COOPER moves to the box of pictures. He picks out a few, seems to study them.

COOPER
And she’s pregnant.

BEAT

MARSHALL
How’d Jane find out?

COOPER
Women talk, Marshall.

MARSHALL
A fiancée and a girlfriend?

COOPER
I never said girlfriend.

MARSHALL
That don’t make it better.

COOPER
Get one riled up enough.

MARSHALL
Which one got riled up first?

COOPER
Melissa.

MARSHALL
Why?

COOPER
She wants me to leave Jane.

MARSHALL
Makes sense.

COOPER
Makes sense. Makes sense does it?

MARSHALL
Yeah.

COOPER
We were just messin’ around.

MARSHALL
Havin’ a goof.

COOPER
Havin’ a good time.

MARSHALL
Jane wasn’t.

COOPER
Jane and I were havin’ our fun.

MARSHALL
According to everything you’ve said about Jane, fun sounds like the farthest thing from what you were havin’ with her. And her with you.

COOPER
No, Marshall. No. No. No. No. You’re readin’ too much between the lines.

MARSHALL
I’m readin’ the lines themselves.

COOPER
If she’d just done it like I like, we wouldn’t be in this predicament.

MARSHALL
Who?

COOPER
Melissa.

MARSHALL
Done it like you like? What does that mean?

COOPER
You know.

MARSHALL
I do not. Not for certain.

COOPER
Take a guess.

MARSHALL
Aren’t we past that?

COOPER
Give me somethin’. Come on.

MARSHALL
If you don’t want that baby-

COOPER
-No. That ain’t it. Guess again.

MARSHALL
No.

COOPER
Like I goofed back ten years ago…

BEAT

MARSHALL
That wouldn’t make it right.

COOPER
Would’ve kept us out of this predicament.

MARSHALL
Us? Should be you. But it’s not. Never is. One way or another, we get cut up by you.

COOPER
I didn’t know it would come to this.

MARSHALL
I don’t think you much cared if it did.

COOPER
Hey now-

MARSHALL
But I think this predicament is what you needed. Maybe what we all needed.

COOPER
What’s that mean?

MARSHALL
Time you owned up for yourself.

COOPER
I mean “what we all needed.”

BEAT

MARSHALL
Been wonderin’ about you, Coop. For awhile now.

COOPER
Wonderin’. Wonderin’ what?

MARSHALL
Was tryin’ to figure that out.

COOPER
Wonderin’ whether or not you could be my friend anymore. Don’t get pious on me, Marshall, honey. I can handle the manlessness of silly clean language. But that self-righteous stuff, I will not abide.

MARSHALL
Right don’t always mean self-righteous.

COOPER
People always worryin’ about right and wrong tend to worry about it all over everyone else’s head.

MARSHALL
You would’ve kept up with Melissa, and stayed with Jane.

BEAT

MARSHALL
That’s not me bein’ self-righteous.

COOPER
Ain’t hurtin’ anyone.

MARSHALL
I stand my ground.

COOPER
Holy ground I bet.

MARSHALL
People are holy ground.

COOPER
You don’t know people.

MARSHALL
I know them. I know myself, too.

COOPER
How’s this for holy. That photo you want to post so bad. It doesn’t just mark the time when you and Nikki had your first date. Had your first kiss. It don’t even call back to mind my jokin’ with Melissa. What it does is make me have to not think about when I got home and found mom asleep and her boyfriend all too wide awake – waitin’ for me.

MARSHALL
Waitin’ for you?

COOPER
Didn’t matter I wasn’t interested, let alone willing.

BEAT

MARSHALL
What happened?

COOPER
It wasn’t pretty.

BEAT

MARSHALL
I didn’t know.

COOPER
‘Cause I never said.

MARSHALL
Cooper, I’m sorry.

COOPER
So how can you step on me? When I been stepped on plenty.

MARSHALL
I’m sorry about that, Coop. I wish I could go back and stop that from happening. But I can’t. And I also can’t let you go around doin’ what you’re doin. At least I don’t have to approve of it. You’re mistreatin’ people. You runnin’ around lyin’ and lyin’ about lyin’.

COOPER
Like you’ve never lied.

MARSHALL
Didn’t say that.

COOPER
Holy ground.

MARSHALL
Holy ground can’t abide lies.

COOPER
So now you’re holy. Marshall, honey. I know too much about you to let you even think you can walk on water.

MARSHALL
Never said I was perfect.

COOPER
Same here. I’m not perfect. So let me be.

MARSHALL
Let you cheat on Jane.

COOPER
Jane already knows, so you can get off my back about it.

MARSHALL
You’re the one who snuck onto my property.

COOPER
Not for confession.

MARSHALL
And not for repentance, either.

COOPER
I’m repentin’ comin’ here. That’s for damn sure.

MARSHALL
Then leave.

COOPER
But you don’t want me to leave.

MARSHALL
I don’t want you to keep on as you are. If stayin’ here helps that, then let this place be…like an altar. But if you’re just gonna goof wherever you are, then you can leave.

COOPER
I leave, that’s it.

MARSHALL
That it’s, what?

COOPER
You see me no more.

MARSHALL
Doesn’t have to be like that.

COOPER
What else can it be? You don’t care.

MARSHALL
Not true.

COOPER
It is true.

MARSHALL
No. Me carin’ about you doesn’t mean I give you green lights for everything you want. You need to get help. I want you to get help.

COOPER
I thought that’s what I was gettin’ here with you.

MARSHALL
You do? That’s why you’ve been so forthright and apologetic? What do you want? What does Cooper Shrewsbury want? A slap on the back. A big, belly laugh. You want us to sit down and play Call of Duty and talk trash to other idiots and act as if you’re not sleepin’ with a woman who’s not your wife while you’re fiancée puts her money away to help pay for the wedding and for a down payment on a house.

COOPER
Oh, Marshall. You don’t know. You do not know. You don’t know how Jane is.

MARSHALL
Then end it with her. Go with Melissa.

COOPER
You think Melissa is pristine.

MARSHALL
No.

COOPER
She ain’t. But she makes her own decisions.

MARSHALL
We all make our own decisions. Like you decided to sleep with Melissa while you’re still with Jane.

COOPER
Melissa met me half way.

MARSHALL
What will Jane do?

COOPER
She won’t leave me.

MARSHALL
How do you know that?

COOPER
She can’t stand bein’ alone.

MARSHALL
You can?

COOPER
Stand it better than her.

MARSHALL
That don’t mean you can stand it forever.

COOPER
She certainly cannot stand to be alone, not for a minute. I don’t come home straight from work and, bam, she calls up Nicole. She can’t tolerate any uncertainty. Like I said earlier, the second something gets broke, if I can’t fix it immediately, she’s on the phone with her dad and mom. She wants to badger me for bein’ on my phone, but every time I turn around, she’s textin’ someone in her family or looking for somethin’ else to buy or checkin’ up on her bank account. Come and hang out with me, Nicole. Somebody, please, don’t let me be by myself.

MARSHALL
Then go and make it right with her.

COOPER
That won’t make Melissa disappear.

MARSHALL
No it will not.

COOPER
Jane won’t ever let that one go.

MARSHALL
Maybe not.

COOPER
And Melissa, she’s got brothers who definitely won’t let this go. Unless Melissa were to call them off. But even then, they’d be waitin’ for any excuse to come after me.

MARSHALL
Then don’t give ’em one.

COOPER
They can’t stand me.

MARSHALL
Not fun is it.

COOPER
Told you. Who has any fun anymore.

MARSHALL
Sounds like you pulled the roof in on your head, Coop.

COOPER
Castin’ stones, Marshall. Castin’ a lot of stones when you’re not without faults yourself.

MARSHALL
You’ve cast plenty of stones at Jane tonight. At Melissa. At Nicole. At me.

COOPER
All in self-defense.

MARSHALL
Some things shouldn’t be defended.

COOPER
Come on, Marshall-

MARSHALL
-I’m not the one cheatin’ on my woman.

COOPER
You sure aren’t that. You most certainly are not that, Marshall.

MARSHALL
Like that’s what? Weak. Your definitions are all off track, all askew.

COOPER
Mr. Quarterback. Mr. Calls-the-Shots. Look at you. Clipped and preened and set up like a doll with a string in its back made to spout off whatever you’re allowed to say. And you ain’t allowed to say much.It is most definitely boring.

MARSHALL
And this right here is fun.

COOPER
Secrets give a buzz, Marshall. Do you remember the last time you had a buzz. Didn’t it light you up each time we ran a deception play on the field. Whether offense or defense. We show one hand only to play another, and the other team and their fans gawked at the results while we celebrated a big play. How many nights did we sit up and watch all those horror movies? How many goofs and scares did we pull on each other. Tell me you aren’t enjoyin’ even just a bit that we’re hangin’ out and Nikki doesn’t know it. You haven’t made me leave. You even invited me into your house. You must have hoped against hope that Nikki would find out and you and her could have a fight.

MARSHALL
It seems you and I take pleasure in very different things.

COOPER
To each his own, then.

MARSHALL
We aren’t talkin’ about trucks.

COOPER
I’d like us to get back to talkin’ about trucks. This truck in particular.

MARSHALL’S cell phone buzzes. He answers.

MARSHALL
Hey. I’m fine. You?

MARSHALL stays quiet, takes in whatever is being said on the other end of the phone. COOPER retrieves a BROOM from one corner of the garage and sweeps the floor. MARSHALL eyes COOPER throughout.

MARSHALL
Okay. See you soon.

MARSHALL ends the call, pockets the phone. COOPER continues sweeping the floor.

COOPER
Nikki on her way?

MARSHALL
You don’t need to do that.

COOPER
I’ve imposed enough on you today. The least I can do is sweep up your garage. Give me somethin’ to do while I wait for Nikki. Think I will stick around. Talk it out with her.

MARSHALL nods his head, makes his way to the BOX of PICS.

COOPER
My arms are really startin’ to burn.

MARSHALL keeps his attention on the photo COOPER asked him not to post online.

COOPER
Marshall, honey.

MARSHALL
Nicole don’t wanna see you.

COOPER
You said-

MARSHALL
And you don’t wanna see her.

COOPER stops sweeping the floor, holds the broom so that the BROOM HEAD is up at his hand. He twirls the BROOM.

COOPER
She bringin’ Jane here with her? I ain’t worried ’bout that. Get both sides out in the open. Have a real airing of grievances. And get somethin’ for my arms. Feel like they’re on fire, you know.

MARSHALL stays fixed on the PHOTOGRAPH in his hand.

COOPER
Well, Marshall, honey. You’ve gotten less chatty.

BEAT

COOPER
You gonna sell me your truck?

MARSHALL
Don’t want your money.

COOPER
So I can have it?

MARSHALL
No.

COOPER
I could really use that truck.

MARSHALL
Good luck elsewhere.

COOPER
You made up you’re mind about the photo, too?

MARSHALL peels the PHOTOGRAPH into pieces.

COOPER
I appreciate that, Marshall, honey. Really-

He retrieves another PHOTO that has COOPER in it and peels it to pieces. Another and another-

COOPER
What’s goin’ on?

MARSHALL
You’re a rascal.

COOPER
A rascal.

MARSHALL holds up a PHOTO that has a SMILING COOPER on it.

MARSHALL
Brutus with a smile.

MARSHALL tears the PHOTO apart, cleaving down the middle of SMILING COOPER’S FACE.

COOPER
That wasn’t a good one of me anyway.

MARSHALL picks up PHOTO after PHOTO that has COOPER in it and tears them to pieces.

MARSHALL drags out a METAL TRASH CAN from a corner. He drops the PIECES of PHOTOS into the trash can. He fetches LIGHTER FLUID from a cabinet in the WORK BENCH and sprays the contents of the TRASH CAN.

ONE PIECE of a PHOTO MARSHALL sets aflame with a LIGHTER retrieved from the WORK BENCH, tosses the PIECE into the TRASH CAN. FLAMES rise, and SMOKE with it.

MARSHALL
Nicole and Jane are headed this way right now. Be here real soon. They don’t want to see you at all. But word is Melissa has rounded up her family, and they’re out for your head. Seems you not only won’t man up for Melissa, but you’ve been sending videos and pictures of yourself with your drawers down to all sorts of women and girls. But somethin’ tells me you know all this already. What you don’t know, maybe, is that Jane found a stash of photographs back at your place. Pictures of the kind that’ll land you in jail. The cops have been called. They’re over there now collect’n ’em. You might want to get back there and try your smile out on them. I’m sure they’ll be accommodating. They might even agree with you that Jane’s a loon. Melissa’s a bear. Blame the whole thing on both of ’em. Blame the whole thing on somebody else other than you. Right, Coop. There’s always someone else to blame. But Melissa’s brothers and father are lookin’ for you, and they got acres and acres of woods on their property. They got four-wheelers, too. Might just drag you through all that dark all night and bury what parts of you remain once they’ve had their way with you.

COOPER
You wouldn’t let that happen.

MARSHALL
I’ll drive you to the police station. Any other way’s gonna be messy.

COOPER
And prison ain’t messy.

MARSHALL
You’ve brought it to this.

BEAT

MARSHALL spies something on the floor next to his truck. COOPER notices MARSHALL’S line of sight.

MARSHALL moves toward the truck. COOPER side-steps him.

MARSHALL goes to the opposite side of the truck and kneels to pick something up. COOPER hurries the BROOM HEAD loose from the BROOM STICK.

The truck between them, MARSHALL rises. In his hand he holds a DUFFEL BAG and a LICENSE PLATE.

MARSHALL
(holding out the license plate)
This is mine.

MARSHALL steps to the back end of the truck and peers at the current license plate.

MARSHALL
And this one is not.

COOPER
I was confident you’d sell me your truck.

MARSHALL
And if I didn’t.

COOPER shrugs, rolls down his sleeves, buttons them.

COOPER
You don’t know everything.

MARSHALL sets down the LICENSE PLATE, unzips the DUFFEL BAG.

MARSHALL
Coop-

COOPER drops the BROOM HEAD into his right hand and hurls it at MARSHALL, who drops the DUFFEL BAG. CASH and a HAND GUN spill out of the bag.

MARSHALL scrambles behind the TRUCK.

Swinging the BROOM STICK, COOPER smashes a set of LIGHTS. MARSHALL stays crouched and moves around the truck.

COOPER smashes the set of LIGHTS that hang over the truck.

The FIRE of the TRASH CAN crackles. All else, silence.

With only the FIRE of the TRASH CAN for light, the SILHOUETTE of COOPER moves for the DUFFEL BAG, MONEY, and HANDGUN. But the SILHOUETTE of MARSHALL also lunges at COOPER. SOUNDS OF A FIGHT punctuate the darkness.

The SOUNDS halt.

Through the WINDOWPANE and by the light of the FIRE from the TRASH CAN, the POND and the WOODS hold fast their places on earth.

SOMEONE’S BREATHING rises above the CRACKLE of the FIRE.

A CAR can be heard pulling into the driveway.

SOMEONE rises to his feet.

The GARAGE DOOR ratchets open, and CAR HEADLIGHTS illuminate the space to reveal MARSHALL, backlit by the FIRE from the TRASH CAN and standing beside the slumped body of COOPER.

The CAR HEADLIGHTS brighten to a blinding white while the sound of the FIRE CRACKLES.

THE END

Print